Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
