I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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