you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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