i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
