I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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