nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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