Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
