I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
