Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize