Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we're so committed to being not committed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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