After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
