Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize