If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
