I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So many bounce houses so little time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
