Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
