Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
