thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
