it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
