So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
