God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
