He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
how does that bad decision feel?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize