He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
