Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
