he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
