nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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