drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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