if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
