I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
