Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
