Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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