I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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