Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
