I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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