If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
