i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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