I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize