I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
