I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
