ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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