I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
