false alarm. still invincible.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize