i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
