and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
