Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
