He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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