I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
