he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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