I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
