Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She bit a glass in half.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You ruined the universe
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
