I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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