Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
