lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
