(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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