dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
