hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
