Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
