So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
