I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize