Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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