the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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