I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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