watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize