When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
