Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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