Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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