im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
