Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
