just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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