Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
