Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
