dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
