I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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