I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
birth control should be required to get into college
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will be naked everywhere
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
