Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
