If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
