New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
