They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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