I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
