My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
