i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
