I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I still have a little drunk in my system
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
