Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
