I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
