i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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