It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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