eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
