i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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