My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
