toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize