God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
