Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
