theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
