Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we're so committed to being not committed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
