Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
