My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
