Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize