At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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