Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
