i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
