Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
