I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like eating out sand paper
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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