Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
